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| 12:07pm 19/08/2005 |
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I think it's funny how long it's been since I've been anywhere near this thing XD
I hop around a lot, I know. I'm a journal whore!
My new, and permanent journal, for those who care is ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) elegancewaves
Hope to see some of you there? o.o |
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| 02:29pm 31/10/2003 |
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I am now abandoning LiveJournal. I'm sorry but I need a change. My new journal thingy is at http://www.caleida.com/users/ruby_lupous/ if you still want to check up on me. AND! Sign up is free! No pesky codes! |
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| The Life That Almost Wasn't |
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| 11:20am 22/10/2003 |
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mood:  distressed music: Evanescence - Hello
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Well, as some of you may have heard, either from my sister or other people, I tried to commit suicide last Saturday.
I don't really know why I did it. I just know that I was rock bottom in my depression and wanted nothing more but to end it all. I took 24 Tylenol pills. A few minutes afterwards, I had fully realised what I did and, not knowing what to do, I phone Selena. I think I put her in a state of shock cause she didn't say much and I could hear her shaking on the other end of the line.
After a few minutes, her mom (my 2nd mom in many ways), talked to me and said that she wanted to talk to my mom because I refused to. She did, mom freaked out and called the ambulance. Selena and her dad left and came over to my house just as the paramedics were arriving (or had already arrived, I don't remember). So they rushed and did their thing while Selena clung to me for dear life for most of that part of it.
They put me in the ambulance afterwards and drove me to the Peter Lougheed Hospital, and on the way they made me drink this gross stuff that collects itself with the medication I took, and while I was doing that, they tried to get blood from me for a blood glucose test, which hadn't work as well as they had hoped. We arrived at the hospital and they took my blood pressure like every hour and did blood tests and such. After all that they moved me into another room where all the psychos get to go. That was rather scary because the guy in the next room was restrained to a bed and was fighting it like mad, shaking my room. I was even more scared because the door only had a doorknob on only one side, because it's where the crazy people go, and I felt trapped.
Mom and I passed the time doing puzzles and making fun of the video camera that was watching me. A parade of psychologists came in and talked to me, asking me the same questions over and over again. They had asked me if I felt suicidal anymore and I told them I wasn't because I got to see Selena earlier that day, and I explained that she's the only person who can ever make me truly happy and relaxed.
After awhile of that they decided it was safe for me to go home, and we had to fill out paper work because they had me under an order that kept me there against my will. I didn't get home until around 11 pm that night, and the first thing I did was phone Selena and tell her I was alright, and we talked until about midnight. I promised her I'd never do such a thing again, because I don't want to leave her, or make her cry again, because it hurts me when she does, and for the fact that the Tylenol I took would have caused a slow and painful death rather than the relatively harmless one that I wanted.
So anyways, that also explains why I wasn't around the past few days. I was dragged out of town for some relaxation time. |
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| Oh my |
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| 10:37am 16/10/2003 |
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Sweet Milk Pocky! You're an elitist, since you're
not really suited to the American taste. You're
sweet, as your name implies, but sometimes you
do get a little haughty.
What Kind of Pocky are You?
brought to you by Quizilla |
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| Life 'n Stuff |
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| 03:19pm 15/10/2003 |
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mood:  grateful music: Christina Aguilera - I'm OK
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Well, I've finally managed to pull out of my little mood. I hate being in those moods. Makes me miserable and makes me push away all those special people around me, and I'd rather not do that. So I guess that's among the good things in life right now. I always snap out of my moods when I see Moonie and her family. Kinda resets me back to relative sanity.
Anyways, i've come upon the conclusion that my father is in fact, slowly driving me crazy, literally.
I've noticed lately that some friends come and go quite easily. Never really wanting to stay. I've got so few friends whom I consider true friends in this world. I just wish people were easier to get along with. Some friendships have pretty much been ended during the past months. Corey took me off his friends and contact list because of an argument between him and Moonie. Good riddance to him then. Alex doesn't bother to talk to me anymore so I'm assuming that friendship is over. Turrent doesn't talk to me either, so that's over. And of course Ashton doesn't bother to talk either. I gotta say, if theres no communication, a friendship can die rather suddenly.
Of course all this leads to my true friends. So I figure I'll do a thank-you thing to those I know read. So who to start with...
( Cut for length. )
If I've left anybody out, don't worry, I'm not being a bitch and I haven't forgotten you. All my friends are important to me in one way or another, I just didn't know what to say, and besides, I can't make it so long you'll die before you read it all. |
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| MAHA! |
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| 07:56am 10/10/2003 |
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| The Potion Maker |
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| Innocent_liliesium is a cloudy, frangible scarlet solid gleaned from the flower of a wolfsbane plant. | | Orion_Lupousium is a milky, pasty yellow gel drawn from the root of the mandrake. | | Mixing Innocent_liliesium with Orion_Lupousium causes a violent chemical reaction, producing a translucent brown potion which gives the user the power of spitting acid. | | Yet another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern |
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| Life as it stands... |
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| 11:51am 09/10/2003 |
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mood:  crappy music: LeAnn Rimes - Twisted Angel
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Well, as everybody probably already knows from my constant bitching, life isn't as I'd like it to be at the moment, but whatever.
A friend of mine moved away a couple of days ago. She wanted me to come over and say good-bye but I didn't because I had little way of getting there, and people who hated me to no end were going to be there. I feel a little guilty about it. She had said that I could go with her and move in with her and her friends but I don't feel quite ready to leave home yet, as much as I'd like to. Besides, it was all the way in Red Deer and I just don't think I could go about making all new friends.
Anyways, Blair wants me to go to a Halloween dance at George Mac this month, so I'll be going to that, if Mrs. Eggerer(sp?) doesn't have some sort of problem with it. I don't know what I'm going to do for a costume though. I guess I'll be raiding Moonie's closet. *shrugs* She provided me the clothes for the Underworld movie.
Anyways, I continue to plan my birthday party. The whole singing contest idea is dead now. Not enough people seem truly interested in it, so I'll just think of something else to do. I know what movies we're going to rent, or at least movies I want to rent. So here is my list so far:
1) Chicago
2) Down With Love
3) May
I know I'm going to rent May because I want to scare the shit out of Regan and Kirsten, so now I'm questioning either Chicago or Down With Love. I've seen Chicago before and so have Regan, Hilary and Moonie and I know they all like it, but I've never seen Down With Love and I don't think the others have either so I wouldn't know whether I or anybody else would like it. Suggestions?
We've got some of the candies already and the pop (why mom had to buy that early, I'll never know), and I know where we can buy the streamers. I plan to get some shiny beaded necklaces to decorate the guests too ^_^ As party royalty, Moonie and I will get black pearly beads for us too. We're gonna get some spray haircolor just for the fun of it, so Moonie is gonna come over early so we can get that done, and I'm hoping Regan will be willing to come over early to help with the set-up, meaning putting chips and candies into the bowls, hanging streamers, blah blah blah.
Not much happening today. Spent most of the time doing school work and talking to Ben. I think I've tired him of all my problems and depression I've been bitching about for the past 3 days. Meh, oh well. Anyways, I shall be going. Tah-tah! |
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| Partially true. |
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| 11:24am 08/10/2003 |
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You're Most Like The Season Winter ...
You're often depicted as the cold, distant season.
But you're incredibly intelligent, mature and
Independant. You have an air of power around
you - and that can sometimes scare people off.
You're complex, and get hurt easily - so you
rarely let people in if you can help it. You
can be somewhat of a loner, but just as easily
you could be the leader of many. You Tend to be
negative, and hard to relate to, but you give
off a relaxed image despite being insecure -
and secretly many people long to be like you,
not knowing how deep the Winter season really
is.
Well done... You're the most inspirational of
seasons :)
?? Which Season Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla |
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| Booga |
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| 11:38am 06/10/2003 |
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Okay, so, it's been awhile since any of you people have heard anything about my life, and there still isnt much, but I'll try to scrape something up.
I went over to Moonie's yesterday after dropping an application off at Safeway. We watched a movie. The movie was called "May." This movie is the most twisted thing I've even seen. Of course, as many of you know, I don't do horror movies very well. For the remainder of last night and most of this morning, I was so beyond parandoid it wasn't funny. I didn't want to sleep last night either. Luckily I escaped horrible nightmares. And guess what? For all you LJ users who're coming to my birthday party in November, you get to see it too ^_^ And those with a more twisted mind *cough*Moonie*cough* Will find it amusing, if you haven't already *cough*Moonie*cough*.
Finally got to "meet" Moonie's boyfriend too. I talk to him all the time since the major time difference has him at home while I'm on the computer doing school work. It's fun to torment him with the mention of onions ^_^.
Erm... what else. My life is boring x.x Umm... olive! |
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| 03:55pm 01/10/2003 |
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I've got a new LJ layout, done by Moonie. She's so talented ^_^ It feeds my InuYasha obsession. Check it out.
Anyways, for the real reason I came on. Would anyone have a Live Journal code I could give a friend of mine? It'd be much appreciated. |
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| My hell O.o |
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| 12:57pm 25/09/2003 |
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NAMBLA Members, DMV Employees
Circle I Limbo Bill Clinton, Riceboys, Trixies
Circle II Whirling in a Dark & Stormy Wind Oakland Raider Fans
Circle III Mud, Rain, Cold, Hail & Snow Hipsters, George Bush
Circle IV Rolling Weights Parents who bring squalling brats to R-rated movies
Circle V Stuck in Mud, Mangled River Styx The New York Yankees, The Pope
Circle VI Buried for Eternity River Phlegyas General asshats, Bill Gates
Circle VII Burning Sands Osama bin Laden, Uday Hussein
Circle IIX Immersed in Excrement Saddam Hussein, Qusay Hussein, Rednecks
Circle IX Frozen in Ice Design your own hell |
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| 11:47am 24/09/2003 |
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Have you ever felt that, even though you don't want to talk to certain friends or get together with them but you do because you feel obligated to? Or maybe that a friend you tell everything to just doesn't understand how you feel and correct you when you explain it? I have on a few occasions, and it pisses me off. I shouldn't be corrected on how I feel or who I am. I really wish people would stop thinking that something has to go their way and not somebody elses. My beliefs are generally completely different from anyone elses. The only person who actually understands how I feel or why I feel them, and vice-versa, is Moonie.
Anyways, my drawing practice isn't going to well. If Moonie isn't forced to move away, I think I shall ask her for some help, if she doesn't mind. I'm so talentless x.x
Anyways, I gotta go. Bye
~Ruby Lupous~ |
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| 04:05pm 23/09/2003 |
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Hey all.
Not much has been happening lately. I hate my father even more (surprise surprise) because he refuses to let me have my birthday sleep over, so I've decided after my party is finished, I'm going to go out of my way to make his life a living hell. I've had enough of his bullshit and his moronic reasons for why I can't do something. It all has to do with him not wanting it to happen because he's so selfish. If he were less of an ass and more like most fathers, maybe I wont hate him and want him dead so much.
Anyways, I got a new LJ layout. It's pretty. Mostly blue and pink with a gorgeous background picture. I picked everything out and my good friend Stacey put it together for me cause I'm too talentless to do it myself. She's so great ^_^ Check it out!
I've decided to practice my anime drawing again. Even though I'm nowhere as good as Moonie, it's still fun to draw and gives me something to keep myself occupied when problemd arise. I could use the practice anyways.
Well, I'm off. Toodles! |
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| 12:45pm 21/09/2003 |
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mood:  sick
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Hmm... last few days not bad I suppose. My dad is being an asshole as usual. No big surprise there. He's probably even an asshole in his sleep.
Anyways, on to my weekend. Went to see Once Upon a Time In Mexico with Regan. It... scared me. Loss of eyes and kneecaps being blown out... not my sort of movie. I now understand the rating system of movies O.o After I got home I phoned Moonie and we talked until midnight while watching InuYasha and various other shows.
Saturday I went over to Regan's again. We baked cookies for hours on end.
Today... I do nothing. I wait for Moonie to return from her Grandmothers so that I may phone her. I also removed a few people from my list. Either cause they don't talk to me anymore or they just aren't worth keeping tabs on anymore.
Is it possible to have a crush on a person strictly for their personality? I'm assuming so. This person I think about alot... this person isn't even the type of person I'd be attracted to physically (remember my high standards x.x). I hate me.
Anyways, I feel a little sick-ish so I'm gonna go now. Byebye |
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depressed
